


red wine and introspection

by alimacbrux



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Canon Compliant, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 02:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18294743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alimacbrux/pseuds/alimacbrux
Summary: Phil is gone to visit his parents on the Isle of Man, leaving Dan alone with only his thoughts and a bottle of wine for company.





	red wine and introspection

“Promise you'll call tonight?” Dan asked, deep frown etched in his face and his head tilted to the side. He was leaning against the door frame of their front entrance, watching Phil make a last minute check that he had everything. 

Phil patted the wallet in his back pocket one last time, looking over at his boyfriend. “Of course I will, love. I wouldn't dream of not doing so,” Phil assured, leaning in to press a chaste kiss against Dan's lips. 

It was much rougher than it used to be with Dan's stubble finally growing in recently, but Dan appreciated the reminder of how they were two men in love. If teenage him could see this… 

“Do you have to go at all?” Dan asked, a hint of a whine in his voice. 

Phil quirked an eyebrow. “It's Mother's Day tomorrow, I wanna celebrate with my mum,” he replied, “But I'll be back in a few days. Don't worry.” 

Dan sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking the time. If Phil didn't leave soon, he would miss his flight. “I hate to say this, but your taxi's gonna be here in, like, a minute, so you should start heading.” He held up his phone, showcasing the time on his lock screen. 

“Alright alright. I thought I was visiting my mum on the Isle of Man, not living with her,” Phil replied, earning a kick to the shins. Dan followed him all the way out to the curb, just in time for Phil's taxi to pull up out front. 

“I'll call you as soon as I get there, yeah?” Phil said after shoving his bag into the boot of the car. Dan nodded, looking around quickly before pecking Phil quickly; they could risk that now, surely. “See you soon!” 

Phil clambered into the back seat of the car, letting Dan shut the door behind him. Soon enough, the taxi was pulling away from the curb and driving away down the busy streets of London, leaving Dan standing on the side of the road, watching sadly. 

Sighing, Dan turned on his heel and headed back inside. 

♡

A few hours later, Dan was sitting leaning over their kitchen table, carefully trying to apply a layer of black nail varnish onto his nails. His tongue poked out slightly in his concentration, eyes narrowed and eyebrows knitted together as he tried to apply the coat neatly. It was clearly futile, the edges around his nails getting covered in the black liquid as well. Thank goodness he finally invested in some nail varnish remover. 

In the background, an old Evanescence song was playing on his Spotify playlist, Amy Lee's voice ringing out through the flat. Moving to the next finger, Dan hummed along quietly to the mellow tune. 

While he desperately missed Phil as usual, cursing their codependency, Dan rather enjoyed the alone time he was getting. He liked being able to blast his music without bothering Phil and it was nice to do something for himself, even if it was as simple as a badly done manicure. Something about being alone for once always made him want to do more, as if to make up for the emptiness of their flat. 

Soon, Evanescence turned into Toxic by Britney Spears, the juxtaposition throwing Dan slightly. He burst out laughing, thinking back to trying to teach Phil how to properly say the seductive first line. Almost a decade ago, they spent many hours replaying the start over and over as Dan's inner perfectionist insisted on getting it perfectly. 

A decade. 2009. Had it really been that long? In some ways, it felt even longer. Dan knew Phil better than he knew himself, could list pretty much any fact about him off the top of his head, knew his every tick and quirk and breath. But at the same time, it felt like just yesterday that they locked eyes across that crowded Manchester station and nearly knocked over at least ten people in their haste to get to each other. It felt like just yesterday that Phil first noticed him, replying to one of his billion replies and sparking a lifetime of love and laughter and heartbreak and care. 

It felt like just minutes ago Dan had to say goodbye to Phil the first time he was leaving. 

Dan finished painting his nails and wandered over to the lounge. His laptop was sitting out on the white coffee table, its screen black from lack of use. Leaning over the coffee table, Dan quickly logged onto his laptop and pulled up YouTube. He searched up “mario kart 8 music live” into the search bar and clicked the first result. 

As the cheerful tune started to play, Dan carried his laptop back into the kitchen. He opened one of the cupboards, pulling out a wine glass and setting it on the counter. Next, he looked in the wine fridge for the first bottle of red, popping the cork easily on his way back. 

The dark maroon liquid poured easily into the glass, splashing into the clear cup. With another deep sigh, Dan tucked the bottle carefully under his arm and carried both the wine glass and his laptop back into the living room. 

“Fuck, I look like an idiot right now,” he muttered to himself as he took a swig of the bittersweet alcohol, letting it run down his throat, the alcohol instantly hitting his bloodstream. 

Dan picked up his phone from where it was sitting beside him, quickly typing out a slightly melodramatic tweet to his followers. He wasn't quite crying yet, but close enough. 

The theme for Rainbow Road reached its peak and Dan downed the last of his glass. He quickly poured another glass and placed the bottle down on the coffee table. He knew it was dramatic, drinking wine and reminiscing alone over the soundtrack of one of his favourite games, but he was a theatre student, so it was okay. 

Sometimes Dan wondered what would have happened had he never met Phil. He could have just as easily been swallowed up in the rest of Phil's comments and replies, just another name and profile among hundreds of others. Someone else could have easily become Phil's partner instead, leaving Dan to a life filled without the soft smile and crinkly eyes and safe hands of his boyfriend. Would he be a lawyer now, pouring over a dull case? Would he be doing something else like acting in theatre or working as an intern at BBC or even just a cashier at Tesco or Morrisons? There were so many possibilities he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

In order to avoid spiralling into some sort of existential mess of what ifs, Dan went back to his Twitter to read some of the comments on his tweet. One of them caught his eye in particular:

ainsley @polaroidpml  
I need photo proof

“Why the fuck not?” he mumbled, already pulling up his Camera app. 

Having replied, Dan tossed his phone down beside him and continued watching the video. There wasn't much action as the video mainly showed various musicians playing the themes and occasionally some gameplay, allowing Dan to mainly zone out and focus on the thrum of alcohol and introspection. 

Dan's phone screen lit up again and Dan nearly knocked his computer in his haste to grab it. 

Phil Lester ♡ is calling… 

“Phil! Hello!” he half yelped as soon as he answered. 

He was met with a familiar breathy laugh at the other end followed by the soft voice of his boyfriend saying, “Hey, babe. You doing okay at home?I saw your tweet.” 

Dan rolled his eyes, taking a sip of wine and moving his laptop to the table so he could sit more comfortably. “Yeah, yeah. Just being a dramatic little shit. The usual,” he replied, shrugging to himself. 

“You sure?” 

“I just miss you, that's all. I was just reminiscing in our past and considering what life could be like if we never met. Don't you ever wonder that?” Dan was babbling slightly, coaxed by the maroon courage and the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia from hearing Phil's voice again. It was as if he hadn't heard from him for years. 

“Occasionally, yeah,” Phil said, “But it's not very fun to think about, you know? My life would be so boring without you.” Dan gagged, rolling his eyes. “Oi, don't talk to your boyfriend like that, you know you love me.” 

Dan took a deep breath, sipping more wine and putting it on the table next to the bottle. “Yeah, I do. Of course I know.” He sounded far too serious, far too fond for the joking tone Phil had used, but that was just how Dan was feeling. 

Something about Phil's absence always turned Dan into a massive sap. As soon as Phil disappeared from sight, Dan was overcome with a cacophony of longing, chest aching and tightening as he wished he could reach out to the other man again. His crackly voice at the other end of a Skype chat or a phone call just wasn't the same. 

Dan shuffled down on the couch, resting his legs up on the arm rest and using one of the throw pillows under his neck, trying to get comfortable despite his infuriatingly long body. “So, tell me about your day. How's Isle of Man? Are your parents doing well?” he asked. 

As Phil began to ramble on about his day, telling him about looking through old baby photos and watching a film with his parents and his brother, Dan let his eyes fall shut. He let Phil's voice wash over him, lapping over his skin like a beach in paradise. He revelled in the deep husky tone and reached out to every little lilt, every little rise and fall, holding it close to his heart for later. Every so often, he hummed half-heartedly to show he was paying attention, though he was mainly focused on the lullaby of his boyfriend's familiar voice. 

Maybe Dan should feel bad for essentially ignoring what Phil was actually saying, but they had been together long enough for Phil to understand that all Dan really wanted right now was the reminder that he was there. All he needed was to hear his voice, coaxing and sure and familiar and everything would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr @etherephil! i promise i don't bite :D


End file.
